Ahh, the multitude of obstacles or challenges that one has to confront in life… Personally I have had my share and for some reason I find myself still confronted with them on occasion to this very day… I figure that for me, there is a place that I must ascend to in this world in order for me to overcome these things so that I may achieve a higher understanding of myself , other people  and possibly the world.. For me it is the only way or path that will hopefully lead to my inner peace…

I must confess that for the most part I definitely have received tremendous favor in my life which causes me to sometimes think that I have a personal guardian, entity or entities.. I have read in a book somewhere ( I can’t recall which one) that there is a god, angel or deity that has responsibility for each person. Just how true or plausible that may be, I really don’t know. However, what I do know is that my existence here should have or could have been terminated a long time ago but because I am still here this leads me to strongly feel that there is in my life the presence of an unseen guidance of another source.. There is just no other way for me to explain it that I can see.

Let me share a  few of my experiences with you. In my younger years  my father was extremely physically abusive and I was bullied incessantly and teased by other kids…This led me to developing extremely deep feelings of insecurity, low self confidence and self esteem… I eventually ran with gangs and other unsavory characters trying to fit in and being accepted. I have burglarized the homes of folks while they were in bed at night which led to numerous trips to reform school and  eventually jail.  I have  experimented with various types  of drugs and I have drank alcohol excessively and driven cars at extreme high rates of speed on (wet and dry) road conditions while under the influence.. My most debilitating years were those of a strung out heroin addict…I have shot it with cocaine into my veins, snorted it till my nose could not ingest anymore and I have smoked crack to the  point of ridiculous uncontrollable paranoia…. I once took a friend to the hospital after he had overdosed only to overdose myself in the bathroom and be discovered lying unconscious on the bathroom floor by a childhood friend Rocky who we used to sometimes tease.. I have dodged police bullets whizzing by my ears, contemplated suicide  and tempted “The Grim Reaper” on many occasions and yet through it all, I am still here…(Go Figure)

I am a eleventh grade high school drop out who eventually joined the military after being rejected on my first attempt for drug use. I was told by the recruiter that Uncle Sam had enough junkies in Vietnam. A few years later I tried again and was accepted and off I was to boot camp..So after two years of service in Germany while still being addicted to heroin and violating numerous military policies, I received an honorable discharge.. I am truly grateful because the VA has provided medical care that I otherwise could not afford.. It has without a doubt, truly been a blessing for my health issues. The unseen guidance has made all of this possible because it sure as heck wasn’t me.

In spite of it all, life continues to challenge me in other ways. and I have asked myself, many, many times did I really have to go through all of this and the only answer that I can derive at is, YES!!  My life choices, experiences, adversities and challenges have transformed me into the person that I am today. I do know that if I had not gone through what I have that I definitely would not have the resolve to continue to push forward and I would not have the understanding and knowledge that I have today… 

Life is what it is, that is all that I know and we have to play it with the hand that we have been dealt, No matter how shitty it is we have to make the best of it. Now with that said, if one is willing and determined to put in the necessary hard work and with a little favor we can  overcome anything… I was someone who had very little if any direction in my life. I was lost and had no idea whatsoever what it was that I should do, where to go and how to get there…I believe that the path was laid out for me as a result of my choices and as challenging and deplorable as it may have been at times it has led me to where I am today..

There is a song by Harold Melvin and The Blue Notes “If you don’t know me by now, you will never know me”.. The song was written about a woman not knowing a man after all that they have been through. I’d like to think of it  as this guardian spirit or entity always watching over me…I have experienced enough for two people and maybe more. It is because of this that I should know by now that as long as I continue down the correct path, make the right choices and give to others what has been bestowed upon me that I will continue to be shown favor from some inexplicable source.

I listened to this Kabbalist “Anthony Kosinec” a couple of times past and one of the things he mentions is that we live in a world of outcomes and not causation. So basically what this means is that there is nothing that we do that dictates or causes outcomes.. It has all been predetermined based on the choices we make.. It is by design and I feel that there is a tremendous truth to this!

For instance, when we make a decision to do something and if the outcome is favorable to us, we want to take all the credit for it and begin to pump our chest as though we’ve done something outstanding and magnanimous…  But if the outcome isn’t favorable, we tend to feel that it’s misfortune or just plain old bad luck.. We don’t want to take the credit for that shit, hell no! What we need to understand is that the experience and outcome is predicated on the choice we make. A fork in the road is a fork in the road. What lies ahead in either direction has already been predetermined and the experience we have will be based on which direction we choose to take. Each path may or may not lead to the same point but even if they do you can rest assured that the journey and experience will not be the same.  It wouldn’t even matter if two people walked the same path and did everything exactly the same. They would not have the same experience. Each ones perspective is different because their perceptions differ.. Now is this determined by us or predetermined and solely based on the choice we make?

In essence, what it boils down to for me is that for the most part I didn’t have much guidance from my parents.. And for those who were offering it later on, I really did not listen.. Because of my early childhood experiences and lack of direction, I definitely made some choices that lead me down some very bumpy roads but my journey has always been guided and predetermined.. This I truly believe and it is because of this belief that I know that I can overcome anything that life has to challenge me with.. Mostly due to the journey and the outcomes that I know aren’t the result of any power that I may possess.. The only power that is truly mine is the power of choice and then execution..Anything outside of this for me is no doubt the power of unseen guidance!

I have been able to eventually own and run my own moderately successful business, married a wonderful supportive women and I am 64 now and recently retired,..Hmmm, Definitely Unseen Guidance.

Written by; Alton T. DeVeaux Jr. (Africafifth)